Why I No Longer Believe in Jesus(A Torah Keeper’s Journey From Christianity to Tanach Only)

Why I No Longer Believe in Jesus(A Torah Keeper’s Journey From Christianity to Tanach Only)

This is a blog post that I never thought I would make. I have been a Christian my whole life. I grew up in a strong Christian family. I went to Church all while growing up. Even though I became a Torah Keeper 7 years ago, I have always believed in Jesus as the promised Messiah of the Hebrew Bible and as my savior, and deliver. So no longer believing in him as those things is something new and different, but it’s a path that I wholeheartedly believe is true, right, and Biblical. 

I just want to say right at the beginning, I will not stop producing content, I just want to explain how my beliefs have changed and how that will influence how I will write about the Bible and understand the scriptures.

Life as a Christian- filled with confusion and doubt

Growing up in the church, the trinity is a major core belief. Jesus’ status as fully divine and fully man was always preached about and of course, his place as the savior of the world which is the vehicle for the forgiveness of our sins. Without him, we cannot get to the Father, we can’t be saved, we cannot go the Heaven and have eternal life if we don’t call on his name and believe on him.

 As a Christian, I always had doubts. Like most Christians, I always wondered if I was truly saved, if I was doing enough as a Christian, if God truly forgave my sins, etc. You always aren’t sure what your standing before God was. The preachers always said – accept God’s forgiveness, find your identity in Christ, know that everything has already been done at Calvary – but what does that even mean? How do you find your identity in Christ? Like what are the steps? How do you know if you believed enough, trusted enough, hoped enough? Because Christianity expects so little of us as believers(just believe that everything has already been done and confess christ), there’s so much gray area and therefore a lot of room for the unknown, doubt, and uncertainty. 

On top of all that – when you are reading the New Testament there are things that sound weird but you just accept them because – “God’s ways are higher than ours”, “there are some things we just won’t understand”, etc. While that is true, if there are blatant contradictions or things that go against Torah, these concepts should not be swept under the rug of  “there are some things that just won’t make sense until we get to glory”. 

Things like 

Jesus tells us to eat his flesh and drink his blood in order to be reminded of him and his sacrifice for us. (Matthew 26: 26-28; John 6: 53-58)

We can’t get to the Father unless we go through Jesus (John 10:9; 14:6-7; Acts 4: 10-12; Ephesians 2: 18; 1 Timothy 2:5).

Our salvation depends on our belief, acceptance, and proclamation of someone other than Elohim (Acts 2:38; 4:10 -12; 16: 29 – 32; John 14: 6 – 7; Romans 10: 9 – 10). 

Jesus changed the law of Elohim and made them harder (Matthew 5: 21-22; 27-28; 31-39; 43-45).

God’s forgiveness of our sins is depended on our forgiveness of others (Matthew 5: 21 – 26; 6: 14 – 15).

The back-and-forth nature of Paul when it comes to the Law. Sometimes he’s for it and sometimes his against it and says it is a former schoolmaster that has been done away with (Romans 2: 12- 16; 25- 29; 3:31; 7:12; Galatians 5; 1 Timothy 5: 18; Colossians; Acts 21; Galatians 2:14 – 15; 1 Corinthians 9: 20). 

And many many more things. 

Our Journey Toward Torah Keeping

A few years ago it was clear to my family and me that we needed to be keeping the commandments. Simply for the fact that it was mentioned soooo many times in the Old Testament by Elohim and that they were to be kept forever.

It didn’t make sense to us that we would be keeping the commandments all the way up to the time of Jesus, then once he died on the cross and rose again, we stopped keeping the commandments, then in the millennium reign we will keep them again. Like why? We, like many of you, believe that the commandments noted in Leviticus are not only for the future but for now. We didn’t believe that we would be cursed like so many pastors preached from the pulpit, but that instead, they would be a blessing to us. We believed if anything, that our keeping them would bring us closer to Elohim because we practiced His commandments in faith. And they were and are great blessings to us! We drew closer as a family, we received so many more blessings and breakthroughs, and we understood the Bible sooo much better.

 It was during our beginning stages of being Torah keepers that I started this blog. I was researching, studying, and writing to help not only myself understand the feast days better but also to help the rest of my family. My goal was to learn everything I could about keeping the holy days from a strictly Biblical perspective. This passion leads me to share my Torah findings with my family. Since I already had the information, I posted it online so anyone who was new to this path and didn’t know where to start could hopefully get a better understanding of the Bible as well. 

Thank you to everyone who has commented, read, or received any encouragement from this blog. It has been amazing to hear from you guys. I’m not going anywhere!

Open tomb.

Journey out of Christianity Completely

At the beginning of this year, my mother and older sister had started discussing how in the book of Revelations how the Lamb (Jesus) was distinctly different from the one who sits on the throne(Elohim). The elders in heaven were worshipping the Father then when the lamb showed up they turned from worshiping the Father to worshipping the Lamb- right in front of the Father! No matter how many times the pastors preached that Jesus and the Father were one – this passage clearly shows that they are different and are worshipped differently. 

Revelations 4: 10 – 11: The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth forever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying, Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou has created all things, and for thy pleasure, they are were created.

5: 6 – 8: And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God sent forth into the all the Earth. 7 And he came and took the book out the right hand of him that sat upon the throne. 8 And when he had taken the book, the four beasts and four and twenty elders fell down before the Lamb, having every one of them harps, and golden vials full of odor which are the prayers of the saints.

5: 13 – 14: And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, an honor, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb forever and ever. 14 And the four beasts said, Amen, And the four and twenty elders fell down and worshiped him that liveth forever and ever.

My mother then started looking at Dr. Bart Ehrman’s videos which discussed how the New Testament was written based on tiny copies of parchment fragments, and how there aren’t any original copies of the New Testament, just many very tiny fragrant manuscripts. He went over how the book of Mark, which is agreed upon by most scholars as the basis of all the Gospels, was written from a fragment the size of a credit card. He talked about how all four gospels when read together can’t all be true at the same time because the stories present facts that cannot be true at the same time. How no one knows who wrote the Gospels and it was the first Irenaeus of Syrma an Early church father from the 2nd century who first placed the names several hundred years later (Wikipedia “Irenaus“). Bart walked through so many more contradictions in the bible and explained them – which was very helpful because we all have heard that there were contradictions in the Bible but no one explained them. So they are often disregarded as people who didn’t want to follow God in the first place.

Here are Christian sources who freely admit that the authors of the Gospels are unknown. I also included a link to the P52 manuscript- the earliest known canonical text of the New Testament.

(Zondervan Academic “Who Wrote the Gospels“)

(World History.org “The Gospels“)

(Ehrmanblog.org “Why Matthew Mark Luke and John?“)

(Wikipedia “p52“)

(Bible Archaeology Report “Earliest New Testament Manuscripts“)

Issues in the New Testament

The story of the resurrection at the end of Mark is agreed upon by most Bible scholars to have been added at a later date and wasn’t original to the book. And the story of the woman caught in adultery was later added as well! How many sermons have we heard about this story?!!? Oh my!

For me watching the videos was hard, because I really wanted to believe that the Gospels were true, I wanted to believe that Jesus was the Messiah, but it became increasingly clear that the New Testament and in particular the Gospels weren’t as reliable as we were lead to believe.  

This lead me to do my own research, I watched so many debates between Bart and other Christian scholars and they couldn’t refute the evidence that Bart presented- factual evidence. And in most cases, the Christian Bible scholars agreed with Bart! 

Here are a few more Christian sources that agree with the above statements. They openly admit that these stories were added at a later date.

(The Bible Project “The Missing End to Mark’s Gospel“)

(The Gospel Coalition “Was Mark 16: 9 – 20 Originally part of the Gospel of Mark?“)

(Biola University “Does it Belong in the Bible(Woman Caught in Adultery)“)

Open bible on table with a plant.

New Testament Compared Directly to the Old Testament

Then this leads us to compare the New Testament to the Old Testament. The side-by-side comparison shows very striking contradictions. A few are:

Jesus said to eat his flesh and drink his blood – but Elohim said that drinking blood is an abomination (Leviticus 3:17; 7:26-27; 17: 12 – 14; Deuteronomy 12: 16; 23 – 24). (Even if Jesus meant it symbolically if God didn’t want us to literally eat blood why would he be ok with us ‘symbolically’ drinking it?)

Jesus’ death is said to be an atonement for our sins, but Elohim said that a righteous man can’t die for the sins of another (Exodus 32: 30 – 35; Deuteronomy 24: 16; Psalms 49:7(KJV); Jeremiah 31: 29 – 30; Ezekiel 18: 1-4; 20 – 24; 26 – 28)

It is stated many times that Jesus is sitting or will sit at the right hand of the Father (Mark 16: 19; Acts 2: 32 – 33; Romans 8: 34; Colossians 3:1; Hebrew 1: 1 – 3) but Elohim said many times that there is no one beside him and that there is no other god but him(Exodus 20:3; Deuteronomy 4: 35; 32: 39; Isaiah 37: 16; 44:6; 45: 5-6;14 – 21; 46:9). 

We have to believe and proclaim Jesus in order to be saved (John 3: 16 – 18; 14: 6; Acts 4: 12) but Elohim said to not put our faith in any man. Jesus is repeatedly referred to as “son of man”(Matthew 8: 20; 16: 13; 20: 28; Luke 18:8; John 6: 53), while this is a generic term and one that is used all throughout the Old Testament, we were never to put our faith in our prophets as we would Elohim. Elohim said he was our only savior, deliver, and God. (Deuteronomy 32: 39; Isaiah 23: 12; Isaiah 43: 11; 45: 15; 22 – 24; Hosea 13:4 )

Revelations say Jesus is our temple and the Book of Hebrews says that Jesus ended the sacrificial system with his death and resurrection (Hebrews 8: 13; 10: 3 – 14; 19 – 20; Revelations 21: 22)*, but Ezekiel describes the third temple and the activities that will be going on there in the end times i.e the sacrifices, in great detail (Ezekiel 37 – 45). 

The messiah was never supposed to be a god or to be worshipped because we are not to worship anyone but Elohim. He is a man that will help to save Israel in the end times like all the other men that have been messiahs to Israel. Moses, Gideon, Samson, Ehud, Cyrus, and many others. Worshipping a man would again be against Torah = to idolatry = to having another god other than Elohim. 

*Revelations 11:1 (This temple seen by John is believed to be “symbolic of the body of believers” or referring to the second Temple before it was destroyed in 70 CE)

Isaiah 43: 10 – 11: Be ye my witnesses, and I am a witness, saith the Lord God, and my servant whom I have chosen: that ye may know, and believe, and understand that I am he: before me there was no other God, and after me there shall be none. 11 I am God; and besides me there is no savior.

Coming to the conclusion that the New Testament isn’t reliable and that Jesus is not the messiah, or god was hard. My mother and sisters were on board a lot sooner than me. I was really upset that my religion could be untrue and didn’t know what to think about it.  However, at the same time, I really wanted to worship Elohim properly and didn’t want to be doing something wrong. So I prayed about it, I studied scripture, and I continued to research the history of the New Testament. After a few weeks, I too saw that the New Testament was not reliable and that yes there was no one besides Elohim. I only believe in the Old Testament and not anything in the New Testament. And guys – a weight has been lifted off of me! 

Christianity is harder to follow

I didn’t realize how hard Christianity is to keep. The pastors say “oh it’s a relationship it’s not a religion”, Jesus said “my yoke is easy and my burden is light”, but it’s not. Yes, you accept Jesus as your lord and savior and you don’t have to keep the commandments in the Torah, which is easier, but you have to start keeping “new commandments” that are harder.

Sinning in your heart is equal to committing sin. Otherwise, you already committed the sin and are guilty before God (Matthew 5: 22; 28). (where is that in the Torah? That the thoughts of your heart are equal to you actually committing the sin? Yes, we are supposed to keep our hearts and minds pure and focused on God and his laws(Numbers 15: 37 – 41; Deteruonmy 6: 4-9; Joshua 1: 8; Psalms 1: 1-3; 19:14), but we weren’t punished for those thoughts on the same level as if we had already done them) Plus I believe this teaching contributes to a lot of Christians feeling unsure if they are truly saved because they are struggling with their thoughts and believe that they have already committed terrible sins.

Forgiving 7×70 times Mattew 18: 21 – 22. (Torah never said that we are supposed to have this open-ended forgiveness, God had a limit and we are supposed to as well(Exodus 23: 21; Deuteronomy 29: 20; 2 Kings 24: 3 – 4 ))

Not braiding my hair (1 Timothy 2: 9; 1 Peter 3: 3- 4; ). I’m black, guys. I have 4c hair. If I didn’t braid my hair, I wouldn’t have any hair. I wouldn’t be able to do my hair. Did Elohim say in the Old Testament that I can’t BRAID MY HAIR??? The hair that he made?

Not wearing jewelry or costly clothes. The apostles James and Peter said that our beauty shouldn’t be in what we are wearing but in our hearts and that we should be shamefaced. Where is that in Torah? God prided himself on how he provided for us in the Torah. How He caused our forefather’s shoes and clothes to be maintained in the wilderness(Deuteronomy 8:4; 29:5) And how he clothed us with beautiful clothes, jewelry, and stuff. Abraham, Issac, and Jacob our great forefathers were blessed immensely with material goods(Genesis 12: 2-3;13:2; 26: 12; Deuteronomy 7: 13; 8: 18; 11: 8 – 12). Were they any less godly because of what they had? (Proverbs 3: 16; 10:22; 22:4; Ecclesiastes 5:19; Ezekiel 16: 10 -14 )

In addition to not having to do these new commandments, I don’t have to worry about if I’m doing enough for God. Instead of trusting enough, believing enough, and trying not to doubt, everything is laid out in the Torah about how to worship God, I know what I’m supposed to do. As long as I try to follow the commandments of Elohim the best that I can, I know I am on the right path. Of course, I’m not doing everything perfectly, but that’s not what God expects of me, he expects me to follow the laws and commandments that he has written down in his Torah the best I can, with a pure heart. To change and follow him better the more I know about him and his laws. 

Leaves and branches near a river.

Righteous Through Keeping the Commandments Not Following Jesus

Following the Torah is my righteousness (Deuteronomy 6:25). How were Abraham, Issac, and Jacob righteous? David, Solomon, Samuel, Hezekiah, Daniel, Deborah, Ruth all the matriarch and patriarchs of our faith – how were they righteous? They were righteous because they followed and obeyed the commandments of Elohim. They tried to the very best of their abilities to follow Elohim with a perfect heart, did they fail yes, but did they get back up and continue on the path of righteousness, yes. Did Elohim honor them and bless them because of it, yes. 

That is all I’m trying to do. Living a Hebrew life one day at a time the very best that I can have always been the statement for this blog and for my Torah Keeping life. That is not changing, what is changing is that instead of idolatry instead of putting my faith in Jesus and Elohim, I’m dropping Jesus and just believing in Elohim, trusting in Elohim, and praying to Elohim alone. He is my only savior, deliver, hope and salvation. Shalom. 

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